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Practice Tip: Adjusting Your Expectations

Writer's picture: Let's Play MusicLet's Play Music

Updated: Feb 10


Piano practice can be frustrating at times. Every student and parent faces challenges with motivation, focus, and completing practice. But overcoming these struggles is part of the learning process in LPM.


Here’s a tip for parents to ease some of that frustration.


Adjust Your Thinking

Maya Angelou once said, What you're supposed to do when you don't like a thing is change it. If you can't change it, change the way you think about it. Don't complain.”


When you feel frustrated with your child, Take a step back and examine your thoughts. The frustration often comes from a gap between your expectations and reality.


The disconnect between what you think should happen and what actually happens creates the turmoil. Today, We'll share some ways to close that gap, reduce frustration, and change how we approach the situation.


Step One: Let Go of 'Should'

Take a moment to reflect on your expectations for practice time. What do you believe should happen? If you find yourself thinking of how things should go, you've pinpointed the narrative running through your mind — the story of your expectations.


Write down what you expect to see at practice. Your list will be unique to you, as your child is different from any other.



Sometimes, things go as you expect, and it's smooth sailing. Other times, reality doesn’t align with your "shoulds," and that’s when frustration creeps in. Notice that I didn’t say how you would like, prefer, or hope things go — that's different.


Step one is about accepting reality. Sure, you’d love for your child to remember to practice and initiate practice time daily, but is that what's actually happening in your home? If you expect it and it doesn’t happen, you’ll feel stressed.


Consider: Think of things you think should happen, then compare it to what actually happens.


Step Two: Flip It Over

This might feel a little strange, but trust me. What if you looked at your list of what really happens and imagined that as your new narrative? What if you made reality the new should?


Yes, she should need reminders to practice — building a habit takes time and repetition.

Yes, she should get frustrated — learning new skills is mentally challenging.

Yes, she should whine — she’s still learning how to express frustration.

Yes, she should want to be the expert — it's natural to want to feel accomplished.

Yes, she should get distracted or fatigued — her mind is used to easier things, and we're pushing her beyond her comfort zone.


Now, when reality unfolds, you can say, “I’m so frustrated! This isn’t how things should be!” or you can say, “Yeah, this is about what I expected.”

Has anything changed? Probably not. But do you feel differently?

When you let go of your attachment to how things should be, do you feel more relaxed and less stressed?


That’s the shift we’re aiming for. You're reframing the situation and preparing yourself to handle it in a more productive way.


Consider: Review your list of how things really play out. Practice saying, “Yes, this is what I expect.”Evaluate: How do you feel when you approach the situation with this new expectation?


Step Three: Hopes and Goals

Now that you’ve mentally prepared yourself and let go of unrealistic expectations, you might feel more calm and accepting when approaching practice time.

You’re thinking, “If I let go of my expectations of how things should be, how will we make progress?”


Great question. I’m not suggesting you become complacent with the way things are—I just don’t want you to be caught off guard by them anymore.


Now, instead of thinking, "Things should be going better," you approach practice with a narrative like: "Yeah, this is what I expected. Right now, practice is challenging for both me and my child."


You’ve accepted reality. You’re not afraid of it. Then, you ask yourself, “Okay, this is where we are. What can I do to make it better?”


Maya Angelou said, “When you don’t like a thing, change it.” You’ve acknowledged reality, and now it’s time to brainstorm ways to improve it.


Embrace Reality:

When you sit down with your child today, expect her to whine as soon as you ask her to play with both hands together. You won’t be thrown off when she does because you're ready for it.


Find a Positive Action:

What can I do about it? Maybe I’ll give her a pep talk beforehand:

"I noticed yesterday you were nervous about playing both hands together. Is that the hardest part for you today? It’s okay if it’s tough. I’m proud of you for trying hard things! Today, when we get to that song, can you try playing it two times? I know it’s tempting to whine when things get tough, but instead of that, can you take a deep breath or make a serious face? If you can do that, I’ll be excited because it shows you’re growing up!"


Celebrate Progress:

Your child may still fuss and complain, but less than before, and you stayed calm because you had realistic expectations. We’re making progress.

We don’t have to discard your original expectations, just move them to a new list called hopes and goals.


Consider: Visualize how you would love practice to go and consider your hopes and goals. Periodically check in to see if reality is getting closer to your goals. What actions can you take to move closer to them?


Parents, Too!

It’s easy to focus on our expectations of our child’s behavior, but don’t forget—your own expectations of yourself matter, too!


Take a moment to go through these three steps again, but this time, consider your own self-talk and the expectations you have of yourself during practice time.

  • Do you feel like giving up when reality doesn’t align with your expectations?

  • Or can you use these steps to show yourself kindness, acknowledge the struggles, and allow yourself room to grow toward your hopes and goals?

Remember, don’t be complacent. Change what you don’t like. If you can’t change it, change how you think about it.


Helping your child learn to practice is worth it. Don’t give up!




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